Halloween Humor


Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist?
To improve his bite…

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite…

Why do witches use brooms to fly on?
Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy…

How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?
With scare spray…

What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck…

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately…

Why don’t skeletons ever go out on the town?
Because they don’t have any body to go out with…

What do ghosts add to their morning cereal?
Booberries…

What is a vampire’s favorite sport?
Casketball…

What is a vampire’s favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving…

What would a monster’s psychiatrist be called?
Shrinkenstein…

What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
“Do you believe in people?”

What do you call someone who puts poison in a person’s corn flakes?
A cereal killer…

Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
They’re so wrapped up in themselves…

What kind of streets do zombies like the best?
Dead ends…

What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving?
Fasten your sheet belts…

What is a vampire’s favorite mode of transportation?
A blood vessel…

What is a ghost’s favorite mode of transportation?
A scareplane…

What type of dog do vampire’s like the best?
Bloodhounds…

What is a ghoul’s favorite flavor?
Lemon-slime…

What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?
A stake sandwich…

What is a skeleton’s favorite musical instrument?
A trombone…

What do birds give out on Halloween night?
Tweets…

Why do vampires need mouthwash?
They have bat breath…

What’s a vampire’s favorite fast food?
A guy with very high blood pressure…

Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal?
He heard it had great circulation…

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Halloween Quotes 1 by major
On Hallowe'en the thing you must do Is pretend that nothing can frighten you An' if somethin' scares you and you want to run Jus' let on like it's Hallowe'en fun.

Christmas Jokes - Question And Answers by major
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A: Frostbite.

Valentines Day Quotes by major
"Love is not love that alters when it alteration finds.

Santa Is A Man by major
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Funny New Year Text Messages by major
New Year Prayer God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, The good fortune to run into the ones that I do, And the eyesight to tell the difference.

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About the Author

major

Be Featured. Publish your funny and inspirational text messages. Send them to PinoyTextJokes (@t) noonanco.com!

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