If dreams werent dreams & dreams came true i woodnt b here id b wiv u.Distance is 1 thing dat keeps us apart.But ull always remain in my heart!

Y do we close our eyes wen we sleep- wen we dream, wen we kiss?dis is becoz the most precious thing in the world is unseen.Wen i close my eyes i c u!

Them: Here’s 10p - go and tell your mum you’re not coming home
You: Here’s a pound - go and buy yourself some breath freshener

Them: I never forget a face
You: Neither do I but in your case I’ll make an exception

Haven’t I seen your face before - on a police poster?

A smile is a curve that can.Straighten out a lot of things.

life is short! if you dont look around once in a while you might miss it

Those who are afraid to fall, will never fly

i heard someone whisper ur name, but when i turned around to c who it was, i notice i was alone, then i realize it was my heart telling me that i miss u.

4getn u is hard 2 do, 4gtn me is up2 u, 4gt me not, 4gt me neva, but don’t 4get, we’re gr8 2gether

I’m not as dumb as you look.

Elvis is dead and I don’t feel so good myself.

How do frogs die? They Kermit suicide.

It’s important to find a man who has money, a man who adores you,a man who is great in the sack. It’s also imprtant that these 3 men should never meet!

A man can kiss his wife goodbye. A flower can kiss a butterfly.Wine can kiss a frosted glass.But u my friend can kiss my ass!

i tried to call you from a payphone last night. i put my doner card in by mistake, it cost me an arm and a leg!

A teacher ask”wot part of the body goes to heaven first?”A child replies”feet- coz every nite i c my mum with her feet in the air screamin GOD I’M COMIN!

Put your crash helmet on, you’re going through the head board.

Do you believe in love at first sight…or do I have to walk by again?

There’s a gap in your life! Mind if I fill it!

girls are like phones. we like to be held and talked too- but if u press the wrong button u’ll be disconnected! Put your crash helmet on, you’re going through the head board.

Do you believe in love at first sight…or do I have to walk by again?

There’s a gap in your life! Mind if I fill it!

I’m not Fred Flintstone but i can make your bedrock!

Wanna play Pearl Harbor? That’s where I lay down and you blow the hell out of me

My eyes R hurting coz I can’t C U, My arms R empty coz I can’t hold U, My lips R cold coz I can’t kiss U but, My heart is breaking coz I’m not with U!

Jelly Baby goes 2 the Dr & says “Dr i’ve got aids” Dr replys “U cant have aids ur a jelly Baby” Jelly Baby says “yes but Dr i’ve been sleepin wiv ALLSORTS!

chicken and egg in bed,chicken has head on pillow smoking.Egg rolls over annoyed saying”i guess we answered that question”

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I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Sorry, I cannot make it because there is a power failure. I am stuck on the escalator.

Tonight there will be an ice cream party. All ladies giving milk please come early.

Sorry I am late, I couldn’t find the remote control to the remote control.

Sorry, I am having an out of money experience.

I was arrested for walking in someone else’s sleep.

Did someone forget an important date?
Everyone has a photographic memory, you just don’t have any film.

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn’t looking good either.

Why can’t you accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.

You have the sex appeal of a wet paper bag.

You have a one-bit brain with a parity error.

Last nite i coodnt sleep.i wantd u warm against my skin.i wantd u on me.i wantd 2 feel u all over my body.. but i coodnt find u!Where did i put my PAJAMAS?

I luv the way it rubs against the soft pink flesh creatin a creamy foamy liquid, as it thrust in & out up& down, can’t wait til nxt time I LUV MY TOOTHBRUSH

come here.take off ur pants and get on top of me….enjoy me until ur totally satisfied lovingly urs TOILET!!!!

I luv u- I luv u- I luv u almighty,I wish ur pyjamas were close to me nighty.Dont be mistaken.now dont be mislead I mean on the clothesline and not in my bed

Wen i look at the sun i c u!wen i look at the moon i c u!wen i look at the sea I c u… well get out of my way!

From the moment I saw u, I wanted to be inside u, I love ur smell, the way ur tongue feels, the way u tighten and loosen mmmmmmmmmmmmm…………..NEW SHOES!!!!!!!!!!

He came 2 me 1 nite… explored my body… licked- sucked- swallowed & had his fill… wen satisfied he left… I was hurt… DAMN MOSQUITO

In the morning I do not eat because I think of you, at noon I do not eat because I think of you, in the evening I do not eat because I think of you, at night I do not sleep because I am hungry.

Someday u may lose ur hair.u may lose ur teeth- ur money & even lose ur mind.But 1 thing u will never loose is ur good looks.coz u cant lose wot u don’t have!

I had a wet dream about you last night …. I pissed myself laughing when you fell of a cliff!

It goes in dry it comes out wet.the longer its in the stronger it gets.we can have it in bed just you and me…its not what you think its a cup of tea!

Last nite i wantd u.needed u so badly dat it hurt.wantd 2 taste u.i wantd u in me so u could work ur magic on me…but i couldnt find u.u stupid.. PARACETAMOL!

At 1st a little nibble- a slow & temptin lick.i suck & munch my liquid lunch & den i swallow quick! CADBURYS CREAM EGG HOW DO U EAT URS?

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What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?
A stake sandwich…

What is a skeleton’s favorite musical instrument?
A trombone…

What do birds give out on Halloween night?
Tweets…

Why do vampires need mouthwash?
They have bat breath…

What’s a vampire’s favorite fast food?
A guy with very high blood pressure…

Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal?
He heard it had great circulation…

What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
“Do you believe in people?”

What do you call someone who puts poison in a person’s corn flakes?
A cereal killer…

Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
They’re so wrapped up in themselves…

What kind of streets do zombies like the best?
Dead ends…

What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving?
Fasten your sheet belts…

What is a vampire’s favorite mode of transportation?
A blood vessel…

What is a ghost’s favorite mode of transportation?
A scareplane…

What type of dog do vampire’s like the best?
Bloodhounds…

How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?
With scare spray…

What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck…

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately…

Why don’t skeletons ever go out on the town?
Because they don’t have any body to go out with…

What do ghosts add to their morning cereal?
Booberries…

What is a vampire’s favorite sport?
Casketball…

What is a vampire’s favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving…

What would a monster’s psychiatrist be called?
Shrinkenstein..

Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist?
To improve his bite…

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite…

Why do witches use brooms to fly on?
Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy…

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Well, you came at the right place coz here at pinoytextjokes.com, we provide the widest collection of the funniest, most hilarious text messages that you can use to send to your relatives, friends, enemies or love ones. We aim to provide our readers a regularly updated list of funny text messages.

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• Saucy Text Messages
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Sex is good sex is class whip me baby spank my ass.doggy style 69 lick me out make me smile if u want me in the sac lick ur lips and txt me back.

Press down please one more time ,ok more YES ahh ohh yes just there yeah baby harder, HARDER,this feels SO GOOD!mmm yeah baby now THAT’S TEXTUAL INTERCOURSE!!

I have liked many but loved very few.yet no-one has been as sweet as u.I’d stand and wait in the worlds longest queue.just for the pleasure of a moment with u.

Viagra now available in eye drops, you don’t get an erection but you look fucking hard!

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I’ll be 40 soon, and I was going to title my party- “Nearer to Death than Birth”!
It’s got a nice ring to it ,don’t you think ?

Save all hairs that come loose when you brush your hair – one day medical science may develop a means of replanting them.

Look twenty years younger in an instant – borrow a baby and train it to call you ‘mummy’.

Buy a computer, digital camera and a MP3 player. Although you’re incapable of understanding how to use them at least you’ll appear trendy.

Take the strain off your tired out memory by labelling all household objects – bed, fridge, television etc.

Should you ever get the urge to go ‘all night clubing’ apply the simple rule – forget it!!

Never attempt bending down, except under strict medical supervision.

Develop the power of a photographic memory – take photographs of everyone you need to remember.

Use your ailing health to blackmail your children into doing all your gardening and housework.

Keep a diary – it will be a great source of comfort and a handy reminder of what you did yesterday.

Avoid the company of young people they are a sad reminder of your long lost youth.

Cultivate friendships with people much older than yourself. This will make you feel so much younger.

Finding your false teeth can be difficult when you mislay your spectacles. Always keep these vital items attached to you by pieces of string.

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“Silence is the true friend that never betrays.”
~ Confucius

“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.”
~ Bible: Ecclesiastes

“One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives.”
~ Euripides

“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe unto him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.”
~ The Bible: Ecclesiastes 4:9-10.

“We do not so much need the help of our friends as the confidence of their help in need.”
~ Epicurus

“Friends show their love in times of trouble…”
~ Euripides

“A sympathetic friend can be quite as dear as a brother.”
~ Homer

What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies.
~ Aristotle

“Without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods.”
~ Artistotle

“A faithful friend is the medicine of life.”
~ Apocrypha

“Never shall I forget the days I spent with you. Continue to be my friend, as you will always find me yours.”
~ Ludwig van Beethoven

“A friend is like an oreo,
its not always that great,
but it always gets better!”
~ Erin Westbrook

“Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow
Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead
Just walk beside me and be my friend.”
~ Albert Carnus

“Remember friends as you pass by,
As you are now so once was I.
As low as I you once must be,
Prepare yourself and follow me.”
~ Gravestone from the 1800s

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The hours I spend with you I look upon as sort of a perfumed garden, a dim twilight, and a fountain signing to it…you and you alone make me feel that I am alive…Other men, it is said, have seen angels, but I have seen thee and thou art enough.

Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.

Sometimes your nearness takes my breath away; and all the things I want to say can find no voice. Then, in silence, I can only hope my eyes will speak my heart.

If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you made me smile, I would have the whole night sky in the palm of my hand.

Love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in the hope that our love will produce love in the loved person. Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love.

You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.

For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.

True love is eternal, infinite, and always like itself. It is equal and pure, without violent demonstrations: it is seen with white hairs and is always young in the heart.

Love is like a friendship caught on fire: In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable.

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DOVE
when the moon shine from the heaven above,
i open my dove a i lyin the floor

KISS
if kisses wer rain id send u showers,
if fun was time id send u hrs,
if u needed a frnd id send u me!

HUH?
As i lie on my bed and look at the stars, and the moon, and the sky… i wonder…
WHAT HAPPENED TO MY ROOF?!?!?!?

FALLING
You can fall from the sky.
You can fall from a tree but you will get hurt.
But falling in love with me is like falling in heaven!

EVRY NITE
Every night when I look at the moon, it reminds me of you, how you can see the same moon. It makes me sometimes sad because I can see the moon, but I can´t see you.

LEARN 2 LUV
Learn 2 love the people who are willing to love U at present.4get the people in the past & tnk dem 4 hurting U which led U 2 luv d people U have right now.

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