Halloween Jokes 2
What is a ghoul’s favorite flavor?
Lemon-slime…
What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?
A stake sandwich…
What is a skeleton’s favorite musical instrument?
A trombone…
What do birds give out on Halloween night?
Tweets…
Why do vampires need mouthwash?
They have bat breath…
What’s a vampire’s favorite fast food?
A guy with very high blood pressure…
Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal?
He heard it had great circulation…
What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
“Do you believe in people?”
Valentines Day Quotes
“Love is not love that alters when it alteration finds.”
-Shakespeare
“If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you’ve made me smile, the entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand.”
-Unknown
“You don’t marry someone you can live with - you marry the person who you cannot live without.”
-Unknown
“Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction.”
-Saint-Exupery
“A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.”
-Ingrid Bergman
Funny New Year Text Messages
New Year Prayer
God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones that I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference.
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Q. What are New Year’s resolutions
A. Things that go in one year and out the other.
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A couple invited some people to celebrate a New Year’s First Dinner. At the table, the wife turned to their six year old daughter and said, “Would you like to say the blessing?”
“I wouldn’t know what to say,” the girl replied.
Santa Is A Man
Santa Claus could never have been a woman!
Who else but a man would:
Be really generous once a year,
Be totally uninvolved the other 11 months,
(And 29 days, we’ll give him Christmas Eve & Day),
And yet think he was a saint?
One more reason Santa has to be a man:
No woman is going to wear the same outfit, year after year.
Christmas Jokes - Question And Answers
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.
Q: Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?
A: Because he had low elf esteem.
Q: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A: So he can ho-ho-ho.
Q: Where do polar bears vote?
A: The North Poll.
Q: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
A: Ribbon hood.
Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter ?
A: Because it’s to far to walk.
