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SMS Love Quotes

“You dnt lov a wmn coz shes btifl, bt shes btifl coz u lov her.”

“Love tAkz off masks dat we fear we cnot liv w/o n knw we cnot liv witn.”

An insincere n }-) pal S mor 2B feared thN a wyld beast; a wyld beast may wound yr bod, bt an }-) pal wl wound yr mind.

A kiss S alovely trick dsignD by nature 2 stop spEch wen wrds Bcum superfluous.

lyf w/o lov S lk a trE w/o blossoms or fruit.

Let yr lov B lk d misty rains, cmng softly, bt flooding d rivA.

Rude Text Messages

Q: hw DY kip yr hubby frm readN yr Emsg?
A: Rename d mail folder 2 “instruction manuals”

Q: hws bn @ a singles bar diFrent frm goin to d circus?
A: @ d circus d clowns dnt tlk.

Q. Y? do women clse their Iyz durin sx?
A. dey cnt st& 2C a man av a gud tym.

I’m nt ofendd by ll d dum blonde jokes coz IK I’m nt dum… +I also knw dat I’m nt blonde.

Yo Mammas so f@, her cereal bowl came W a lifeguard.

Dirty Text Messages

A guy wlks ^ 2 a gal ina bar n asks,
“Do u wn2 play mgic?”
“What’s dat?” she replies.
he continues, ”
You cum b2 my plce, av sx, thN DSapER.”

“Doctor, dr, I kip seein lil blk spots B4 my Iyz.”
“Have u seen a dr B4?”
“No, jst lil blk spots.”

Patient: I alw C spots B4 my Iyz.
Doc: Didn’t d nu glasses hlp?
Patient: Sure, now IC d spots mch clearer.

Dirty Text Message Jokes

hw DY unload a truk ful of X-( babies?
A pitchfork!

waz pink n hrd?
A :@) W a knfe

A bear n a buny r sittN ina 4st takN a sht. d bear leans ovr 2 d buny n sEz “Do u evr av d prob of sht stickn 2 yr fur”? d buny sEz “No”. So d bear nabs d buny n wipes hs (_!_).

w@ do men lk d most bout blo jobs?
d 10 mins of silence

Funniest Text Messages

A :*) man wz stumbling dwn d st W 1 Ft on d curb n 1 Ft n d gutter. A cop pulled ^ n z, “You r undR arrest 4 bn drunk”
dman askD, “Officer, r u sure I’m :*)?”
“Yup, I’m sure,” z d officer. “Lez go.”
breathn a sigh of relief, d :*) man z, “Thank god! I thort I wz crippled.”

Y? cnt blondes mke ice cubes?
coz dey alw 4gt d recipe

Conserve loo ppr, uz both sides.

Rude Text Messages

Q: hw DY kip yr hubby frm readN yr Emsg?
A: Rename d mail folder 2 “instruction manuals”

Q: hws bn @ a singles bar diFrent frm goin to d circus?
A: @ d circus d clowns dnt tlk.

Q. Y? do women clse their Iyz durin sx?
A. dey cnt st& 2C a man av a gud tym.

I’m nt ofendd by ll d dum blonde jokes coz IK I’m nt dum… +I also knw dat I’m nt blonde.

Yo Mammas so f@, her cereal bowl came W a lifeguard.

Dirty Text Messages

A guy wlks ^ 2 a gal ina bar n asks,
“Do u wn2 play mgic?”
“What’s dat?” she replies.
he continues, ”
You cum b2 my plce, av sx, thN DSapER.”

“Doctor, dr, I kip seein lil blk spots B4 my Iyz.”
“Have u seen a dr B4?”
“No, jst lil blk spots.”

Patient: I alw C spots B4 my Iyz.
Doc: Didn’t d nu glasses hlp?
Patient: Sure, now IC d spots mch clearer.

Saucy Text Messages

Saucy Text Messages

Sex is like a maths test..Me plus u..subtract the clothes..add the bed..divide the legs and multiply the orgasms..

Sex is good sex is class whip me baby spank my ass.doggy style 69 lick me out make me smile if u want me in the sac lick ur lips and txt me back.

Press down please one more time ,ok more YES ahh ohh yes just there yeah baby harder, HARDER,this feels SO GOOD!mmm yeah baby now THAT’S TEXTUAL INTERCOURSE!!

I have liked many but loved very few.yet no-one has been as sweet as u.I’d stand and wait in the worlds longest queue.just for the pleasure of a moment with u.

Rude Text Messages

A train is bout 2 crash!
A frantic virgin strips off and says can any1 make me feel like a woman b4 i die?
So a man takes off his clothes and says iron these!

If your right leg was thanksgiving and
Your left leg was Christmas
could I meet U between the holidays?

3 sisters. ann, jan & fanny all have big feet,
ann & jan go on a date,
1 of the boys says “jesus u have big feet
“ann replys “u should see our fannys theyre huge!

SMS Love Quotes

“You dnt lov a wmn coz shes btifl, bt shes btifl coz u lov her.”

“Love tAkz off masks dat we fear we cnot liv w/o n knw we cnot liv witn.”

An insincere n }-) pal S mor 2B feared thN a wyld beast; a wyld beast may wound yr bod, bt an }-) pal wl wound yr mind.

A kiss S alovely trick dsignD by nature 2 stop spEch wen wrds Bcum superfluous.

lyf w/o lov S lk a trE w/o blossoms or fruit.

Let yr lov B lk d misty rains, cmng softly, bt flooding d rivA.

Friendship Quotes

Friendship Quotes

I thank God for the way he made you, distinct, special and
unique. You were not made from a common mold.
~ Erwin W. Lutzer

“Silence is the true friend that never betrays.”
~ Confucius

“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.”
~ Bible: Ecclesiastes

“One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives.”
~ Euripides

Halloween Jokes 2

Halloween Jokes 2

What is a ghoul’s favorite flavor?
Lemon-slime…

What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?
A stake sandwich…

What is a skeleton’s favorite musical instrument?
A trombone…

What do birds give out on Halloween night?
Tweets…

Why do vampires need mouthwash?
They have bat breath…

What’s a vampire’s favorite fast food?
A guy with very high blood pressure…

Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal?
He heard it had great circulation…

What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
“Do you believe in people?”

Valentines Day Quotes

“Love is not love that alters when it alteration finds.”
-Shakespeare

“If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you’ve made me smile, the entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand.”
-Unknown

“You don’t marry someone you can live with - you marry the person who you cannot live without.”
-Unknown

“Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction.”
-Saint-Exupery

“A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.”
-Ingrid Bergman

Forget Me Not

forgettin you is hard to do
forgettin me is up to you
forget me not
forget me never
forget this message
but not the sender

Campus Humor 1

Pwera Ka
teacher: juan,give me example of puera….
juan: (tagalog version to kasi spanish yun)Lahat ng guro’t principal dito sa eskwelahang ito ay magaganda at mapopogi.
teacher: mahaba…very good juan but where is puera??
juan: puera ka!!!

Green Name
mr.marquez:bata,anong pangalan mo?
bata:sir,LUCKY T. TINIO!!!
mr.marquez:TANG INA MO GAGO KA!!!

Pantynago
Anak: tay tumambling ako kanina sa skul
Tatay: anak dba sabi ko sau wag kang tatambling at makikita pantie mo
Anak: weeee… tay indi nila nakita!
Tatay: ???????
Anak: kc tay tinago ko sa bag ko

Rude Text Messages

Q: hw DY kip yr hubby frm readN yr Emsg?
A: Rename d mail folder 2 “instruction manuals”

Q: hws bn @ a singles bar diFrent frm goin to d circus?
A: @ d circus d clowns dnt tlk.

Q. Y? do women clse their Iyz durin sx?
A. dey cnt st& 2C a man av a gud tym.

I’m nt ofendd by ll d dum blonde jokes coz IK I’m nt dum… +I also knw dat I’m nt blonde.

Yo Mammas so f@, her cereal bowl came W a lifeguard.

Call Center Bloopers

Actual c0nversati0n sa isang technicaL acc0unt sa C-Cubed (Cust0mer C0ntact Center) habang nakabarge sa bidang agent na it0 yung seni0r rep ng team
niLa: